Do Not Kiss My Child

Controversial topic: K I S S I N G

SOMETIMES I don’t allow myself to kiss my child

Read on for why!

---

We are an allergy family, and life for us is very different

a few days ago, hives appeared on Emma’s face because someone couldn’t help but kiss her after they had eggs. I monitored Emma for further reactions, washed her face, and reminded the individual (again) not to kiss my child.

it is awkward to tell people that it is not ok for them to kiss my child without:

1. her consent (boundaries) AND

2. my permission (my job is to protect her - especially from her allergens)

While most kisses comes from a well meaning place, I must share this because it happens a lot— I get a feeling some people simply don’t know that a kiss for someone with food allergies can be life-threatening.

if Emma stops you and asks you if you’ve had allergens when you try to plant a kiss on her, I taught her that.

when I go in for a kiss, she says, “mommy, have allergen?”

my response: “thank you for asking, I did not have any allergens today” OR “my goodness, you’re right! I did thank you for reminding me.”

if I eat anything that may contain an allergen

As instructed by her allergy specialist, I brush my teeth, wipe my mouth, and wait 3 allergen free meals before kissing my allergy child.

while it’s not my 3 year old’s job to educate everyone on the intricacies of life with food allergies… I am beating the drum by saying,

“thank you for respecting my child’s physical boundaries. by refraining from kissing her, you’re also helping me keep her safe.”

we’re an allergy family, and life for us is very different but I do not question why God made us this way—

by sharing our lives/story, my hope is that people would learn alongside us and stand with us. we cannot do this alone. we don’t want to do this alone - we were not meant to.

Allergy Note: it doesn’t matter if the kiss is not on her mouth - the last kiss that gave her hives was not on her mouth. some have told me it’s ok if they kiss my child because it’s on her cheek or hair… Don’t be that person.

Mahalo!

Why we’re starting a YouTube Channel: Food Allergy Impacts how People Live

We’re starting a Mum With a Bun YouTube channel.

Because we are not meant to do life alone. #AllergyAwareness

I set a boundary with my family and community because it’s my job to respect my daughter’s allergy lifestyle and it’s also my job to protect her. And I am so happy I did.

We’ve heard everything from, “it’s all in your head - stop being so afraid of allergens” to “she’s at the age where you should give her all her allergens. Just give her everything. Just say “AMEN” and then feed her the allergen!”

These statements came from well meaning places, but they’re incredibly invalidating and infuriating when someone who has neither researched food allergies nor watched your child go through an anaphylactic reaction comes at you with comments like this and proceeds to tell you that you are parenting our allergy child incorrectly.

It is so important that I intentionally move away from the “be nice” cultural expectation that has been drilled into me - each time I make myself and my voice shrink, my daughter and I suffer for it. I am finally speaking up and holding my, “no” — and I’m feeling good about it.

It took a lot of trial & error, allergy specialist appointments & phone calls, and years of personal research to get to where I am now, and I’m still learning how to be an allergy mum… one who protects her child and meets her own needs.

I used to share “nutrition tips” and “allergy life” educational reels daily on my Instagram hoping I could provide guidance, hope, and encouragement to other families like ours. After a month of prayer, I was convicted to start our YouTube channel that focuses on our lived experiences as a family of 3 to provide tips and suggestions that I wish I had when I started this “Allergy Mum Journey”

How we do what most people don’t have to think twice about (i.e. run errands, travel, etc.) is done in a “special” and calculated fashion to keep emma safe, but most people don’t know it.

The hope is that our YouTube channel sheds light not just on what caretakers of children with allergies can do to navigate their drastically changed lives once they find out about their child’s allergies (classified as a disability),

but also what “normal” people, who do not live with debilitating and deteriorating conditions, can do to help.

It is an honor and privilege to beat my drum - to inform others that we all have a collective responsibility to make sure people with allergies, disabilities, or life altering differences are purposefully included and thoughtfully accounted for. We’re here to carry each others’ burdens and there is joy, strength, and transformation that results when a community comes together to better understand and embrace one another in light of our differences.

My experience with people with disabilities is quite limited so while I am no expert on this topic by any stretch of the imagination,

I am a mother of an almost 3 year old toddler with life threatening food allergies diagnosed at her 8 month mark; not a day goes by where I don’t think about how I can love her better in light of her health condition and avoid mistakes that could be lethal to her. I’ve come to the realization that I cannot do this alone… but God told me we were never meant to do any of this alone.